In the Broadway show The Curious Incident of the Dog in The Night-Time, the main character, 15-year-old Christopher, exhibits common Autism symptoms, which are sensory sensitivities. He has difficulty with physical touch and personal space due to his neurological condition. When people are too close to him, it can be overwhelming and cause him significant distress.
Online sources highlight the following reasons for their discomfort with proximity, such as,
- Sensory overload: Too many stimuli, such as noise, lights, or touch, can overwhelm Christopher.
- Personal space invasion: When people enter his personal space, it can make him feel anxious or threatened.
- Difficulty with social cues: Christopher may struggle to understand or interpret social cues, such as body language or facial expressions, which can lead to feelings of uncertainty or fear in close interactions.
- Tactile defensiveness: Some individuals with Autism may experience tactile defensiveness, which means they are sensitive to touch or physical contact.
These factors contribute to Christopher’s preference for maintaining a safe distance from others, helping him cope with social interactions and sensory experiences.
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My personal experiences and observations are as follows: When my client Andi explained how he feels when people come too close to him, he said angrily, “Because they are angry and aggressive!”. I understood how he felt.
There are a couple of incidents I can share with Andi. I remember myself being super sensitive to people’s anger and fear. One of my experiences was when I opened the front door to a restaurant; I saw many puffy balls of anger and fear floating in the space. I lost my appetite. Another experience was that I did not like to be hugged when I arrived in the U.S… I thought that was because my Japanese culture was not accustomed to doing so. We were taught to respect another person’s space. Once, I cried at being hugged. The person who hugged me was shocked and apologized. However, I realized later that there are differences in my body’s reactions depending on their energy. Some people hug warmly, and some people don’t. Now, I know that I don’t feel comfortable being hugged by an angry person. Here, I would like to clarify for you. A person who is angry at a given moment versus an angry person are two different types of persons. I will talk about this subject more.
Many clients with Autism lack the language to express themselves in a way most of us can understand; they talk with their body language very clearly and directly. They are honest about their true feelings: Yes, No, or Maybe; they will not obey societal expectations. Our bodies never lie, even when our mouths do. Therefore, people with Autism are not capable of dividing their body and mind, whereas most people are educated to behave conventionally. However, it’s been a phenomenon that society has been seeking to reunite body-mind for many decades. I think we all can learn how to reintegrate body and mind by accepting those with autism.
One of my many tools is energy healing, such as Reiki. Even clients who did not like to be touched by others were okay with me. My client, David, was 11 years old and did not like to be touched, so all of us were surprised, including his mother. He hugged me like a clinging monkey as soon as he entered my office. And he sensed that I did energy healing; he took my hands and guided them to his head and left ear. I sensed his energy calming down. Then he moved my hands to his lower abdomen. We did not talk. We communicated via our energy. I sensed that our souls communicated to each other directly.
Have you seen the movie Avatar? When beings want to consult with Eywa, a representative of ancient wisdom, they plug their unique organ called the queue into the tree of souls. By doing so, they become one with Eywa. Communicating via energy makes me feel I’m connecting with my clients’ souls, memory, and wisdom. It is always very fascinating experience that deeply touches me.
This particular experience with David reminded me of the importance of communicating with people without a common language (like I felt when I arrived in the U.S.)
After several cases, I clearly understood what makes the difference when those with Autism allow others into their territory or not.
The key is accepting them without any conditions for who they naturally are. If you try to force them to change or fix their behavior or action to suit your idea or expectation, they will reject you.
So, you must learn to communicate with your child’s soul and your own. Even if it is not perfect yet, if you set your attitude for that, you will start to feel some ease in communicating with your child.
It is normal for parents to have expectations for their children. Some parents begin their expectations by preferring either a boy or a girl at conception.
I learned that we tend to stop becoming who we naturally are around 2 months after conception. Why the second month? The reason is that an expected mother realizes she may be pregnant in the second month. Right after, what happens to her mind? Her expectation begins instead of trusting the nature of her baby. The expected mother becomes more anxious about how their baby should be. Physiologically, the sternum is in the process of developing around this time. Our sternum is involved with our emotional balance and harmony. When a baby is not allowed to become who he/she naturally is, their breathing patterns and emotional balance may be impacted. Do you see how powerful parent’s expectations can influence their baby’s life?
It is natural for a parent whose child is diagnosed with Autism to be confused and overwhelmed. Of course, it isn’t easy to accept this reality. However, it is the most crucial time for the parents to start helping and healing their child adequately. If the child can expel the toxins interfering with his healthy development sooner, he has a better chance of returning to a natural developmental path.
The parents’ fear can also be a significant disruption. Your child absorbs whatever the parents produce with their energy: anger, fear, anxiety, rejection, or emotional changes.
Generally speaking, many children suffer when sensing their parents’ rejection of who they naturally are. Even if their parents do not intend to do so, their actions and behavior may create distance apart.
Solution for you to try:
- Allow yourself to feel any emotions that occur in you, including anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, powerlessness, guilt, or whatever it may be.
- Accept whatever you are feeling. Tell yourself, ” It’s ok to feel it.” Please don’t try to let it go or fight against it.
- Observe your breathing, and practice staying calm. Then, observe your child’s breathing. Wait calmly until your breathing naturally embraces your child’s breathing. Once both breathing patterns are unified, gradually slow your breathing to be even more calm and relaxed, as if meditating. Please make sure that you feel grounded.
- Pay attention to the tip of your fingers when you touch your child. Please do not intend to fix or correct him for anything; instead, allow his energy to flow naturally and peacefully through your fingers. This will help him trust in you and start listening more.
Practice above a few time s day. You should notice that you and your child are becoming one harmonized being. Then everything will become easier. Please be patient until this moment arrives.
This process may take longer than most people expect. Please remember that “patience is a virtue.”
Cases of my clients with Compromised Sensory Perceptions may help you to understand what’s possibly happening to a person with Autism.
References:
Bodily Changes in Pain, Hunger, Fear, and Rage: An Account of Recent Researches Into the Function of Emotional Excitement, by Walter Bradford Cannon
The Wisdom of the Body, How the human body reacts to disturbance and danger and maintains the stability essential to life, by Walter Bradford Cannon